Toronto, Ontario

The name "Toronto" is derived from the Indian phrase for "bring a coat". The evenings are CHILLY.

Also, a tip for any US citizen going through Canadian customs. Your trip is for training your existing clients, NOT selling to prospects. A "training" trip means you get your passport stamped and you're on your way to a Toronto taxi cab. Coincidentally, all the taxis in Toronto take credit cards, unlike those in the US! A "sales" trip means you are invited to the "heavy screening room" where they make you discuss your business in detail, including an in-depth analysis of your itinerary for the visit. Anything that you will be doing that could be done instead by a Canadian citizen will come under incredible scrutiny. Remember, you're Captain Training...

Durham, NC

Full disclosure: I did not attend Duke University.

Having said that, I thought it might be nice to swing by the Duke Bookstore to get something cute for Mrs. Me. I spent about ten minutes in the clothing section of the bookstore, before I realized just how repulsive it was to stare at a bunch of blue and white shirts with "Duke" on them. Maybe I'm bitter because they get top basketball recruits year after year, even when their team isn't that good. Maybe I still don't like Laettner after all these years. Maybe I think Coach Krzyzewski rivals only Gene Keady for the Worst Hair Violation for an NCAA Coach Award.

Beautiful campus though. If you start there, you have a ten minute drive to the Durham Bulls ballpark, complete with the bull from the movie Bull Durham. I spent the 15-minute drive to the airport reciting my favorite lines from the movie. "Hey Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well."

Charlotte, NC

If you're ever caught in a strange downtown and have to go to the bathroom, head to the nearest hotel. They'll have a whole area on the second floor for seminars and conventions, and they always have plenty of bathrooms. If you're there on a weekday, there will probably be a meeting of some sort in progress. On the weekend, there may not be anyone up there.

Now, I've prepared a whole list of excuses as for why I was there when I really shouldn't be. Note: I've never been asked for an excuse by anyone. But here they are, to save you the trouble:
1. I'm looking for the _____ seminar, I was told they were in this hotel.
2. I'm from (insert a company here). We're considering doing an event here later this year, and I wanted to check out the space.
3. Can you point me to the concierge/business center/elevators?

Quebec City, Quebec

Quebec City is three hours north of Montreal. I've found that about 70% of the people also speak English. Now if you end up in front of a room of professionals in Quebec City, here's a great introduction to the presentation. Note: this has been road-tested with satisfactory results.

Good morning, and welcome to the seminar. My name is _____. I speak a little French, and I hope that the next time I come to Quebec, I can give the seminar completely in French. However, today I will speak in English, because Blue Horseshoe loves Starbucks. OK?

Bonjour, et bienvenue à la conférence. Mon nom est _____. Je parle un peu de français, et j'espère que la prochaine fois que je viens au Québec, je peux donner la conférence complètement en français. Alors, aujourd'hui je parlerai en anglais, parce que le fer à cheval bleu aime de Starbucks. OK?

Montreal, Quebec

In Quebec, people speak French first and English second. Here are some handy French phrases to help you navigate the Montreal airport to catch your connecting flight:

Ou est la porte quatre-vingt troi?
Where is gate eighty-three?

Ou est le Starbucks le plus étroit?
Where is the closest Starbucks?

J'ai besoin d'un latte de noisette de peau de grande s'il vous plait.
I need a grande skim hazelnut latte, please.

Le fer à cheval bleu aime de Starbucks.
Blue Horseshoe loves Starbucks.*

* Wall Street. Great movie. Watch it again.

Reading, PA

It wasn't Plains, Trains, and Automobiles, but it was close. Apparently there was a "bridge problem" in New York, and the efficient and effective government-subsidized disaster that is Amtrak had to shut down the Acela for an undetermined amount of time. As I pondered spending some quality time later this summer on the Delta Shuttle, I was faced with the short-term problem of being stuck 1-1/2 hours north of Philadelphia with a rental car. Here's the way the evening panned out for me:

5:15pm Leave client location in Reading, head north to I-78.
5:32pm 50 Cent's Candy Shop plays on Sirius Satellite Radio.
6:31pm Heavy traffic north of Reading (early sign of trouble). Now on I-78 East.
7:12pm 50 Cent's Candy Shop plays on Sirius Satellite Radio.
8:17pm Take NJ Turnpike north to the Lincoln Tunnel.
8:35pm Tunnel traffic is too much to bear, head north to the George Washington Bridge.
8:42pm 50 Cent's Candy Shop plays on Sirius Satellite Radio.
9:01pm Arrive at the rental car return on 77th Street.

Next Day
7:42am Arrive at work, 50 Cent's Candy Shop firmly implanted in my brain.....